The Saddest Things to Have Sex for...

Over a bottle of wine the other night, my friend Kelly told the story of her friend Darcy, who reportedly had sex with a guy so that he would buy her dinner. Kelly then declared "the saddest thing in the world to have sex for is dinner." It started a heated debate. What is the saddest thing to have sex for? Here are my favorites:

The saddest thing in the world to have sex for is ... DIAPERS

The saddest thing in the world to have sex for is ... INSULIN

The saddest thing in the world to have sex for is ... A RIDE HOME (based on a true story)

The saddest thing in the world to have sex for is ... THE ANTIDOTE

The saddest thing in the world to have sex for is ... BAIT (if you are having sex for bait, you are either a very dedicated fisherman or a very undedicated prostitute)

The saddest thing in the world to have sex for is ... ROB SCHNEIDER'S AMUSEMENT

The saddest thing in the world to have sex for is ... THE TIME

The saddest thing in the world to have sex for is ... FREE! (Am I right, ladies?! Woo woo!)

Top 20 Tourist Attractions in the year 2109

1. The Denzel Washington Monument
2. The Great Wal-Mart of China
3. Everglades National Parking Lot
4. The Cathedral of Saint Bono
5. The “Whoops…Our Bad” Iraq War Memorial
6. The Last Glacier
7. The Gateway® Arch
8. The Taco Bell Bathroom in which Britney Spears died
9. Hugh Grant’s Tomb
10. The Lost City of Detroit
11. Dubai’s Walk-In Diamond
12. The Space Needle (Now Reaching Space!)
13. The iFel Tower
14. Donald Trump’s 1000-foot tall, gold-plated tombstone
15. Domino’s® Leaning Tower of Pizza
16. The Jenna Bush Presidential Library and Museum
17. The Smoking Crater Where Iran Used to Be
18. The National Air and Space and Time Travel Museum
19. World Wrestling Entertainment Presents: The Dome of The Rock
20. Cher 160^th Birthday Concert Spectacular

Top 5 Least Popular Brands of Bottled Water

5) Newark Springs®

"Drink wit da fishes."

4) H₃O

"The extra h is for hydration! (and makes it radioactive)"

3) Billy® Water

"The water endorsed by the no good brother of a former president!"

"Try our new Roger Clinton Extreme Sports Water®, too!"

2) DUMBE Water®

"Because tap water is free..."

1) Montezuma’s Revenge Mineral Water®

"I gotta find a bathroom!"